I am currently in a bad, bad relationship. And since he is on leave, I am trying my very best to cope up with my life as a single person. At first it was all fine and dandy but as the days transpired, I suddenly realized how lonely I was. I remember many sleepless nights of just wondering my mind off. I felt drugged and exasperated. I know I wanted peace of mind and now that I have it, the quiet was dizzying.
And I have to admit that I have recoiled. I have met-up with him at some point and after that incident, I slept like a baby. I know that it was wrong but I did it and I struggled (and yet again).
Well, these past few days have been fine after I saw him again. But here’s the catch:
After the longest time, I have felt the hibijibis towards sombody else… Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t gone to any affair of sorts. It’s just as simple as a crush.
Being a flight attendant, I do encounter a lot of people all over the world but never have been lucky in meeting any prospective lover, may it be a colleague or a passenger. And as time went on, I saw passengers, singular and the same. Yes, there would be a handsome guy every once and while, but it didn’t go any further than that. I never felt butterflies after being in my current relationship which brings me to the conclusion of my loyalty.
But just recently, a change of heart has occurred. After so many years, a spark of hope lingered within me. I have a crush! It’s really weird saying it at 27:)
In my flight going to Manila, there was this Filipino-Chinese guy, asking for a glass of water. I was currently chit-chatting with my fellow crew members when he made the request. After finishing one glass, he asked again and he was gesturing to do it on his own. I immediately stood up and assisted him, even jokingly said “sir, that’s why your skin is so flawless, You drink lots of water.” He just laughed and mentioned that my skin was more flawless than his. I gave him a bottle of water then after and suddenly came to notice how cute he was. I was so tantalized that I even checked his index finger, in quest of a wedding band and I was glorified to discover of its unavailability.
Every time I would pass by his seat, I would take a quick glimpse at him. And at times, I would catch him looking towards my direction. I felt like a school girl ogling over her special someone. Never have I been so inspired to work! I was so energized!
Constantly, I prayed to God. I asked Him for this stranger to be the one, provided that it was the right thing for me. I don’t want to force anything although I really doted on this guy. I liked his presence that much that I imagined leaving my current relationship in full blast!
In the end, we just glanced at each other the whole duration of the flight. No nothing but “goodbye sir, see you once in a blue moon.” Even so, I am happy. It is indeed a huge breakthrough in my part. This just implies that I am ready to love amidst my broken relationship. I know I should break it off completely with my current guy, and I will.
For now, I am happy that I am starting to let go and I am starting to grow.